Apparently, according to Taylor, global domination is quite an easy task for the brilliant of mind.(Sorry Spencer, your chances of domination just went down the toilet)
There are only, uh…14 steps to the domination thing. Let’s see if I compute.
“Global Domination is not really that hard, and I can prove it. The only real difficult part is finding the right tools. I’ll list those right now!
[Note: you don't need all of these things, they're each something you could use!]“
I must disagree with that last note, Mr. J. For one of the listed things is a book and I am quite certain that it will take more than the divine story ”Romeo & Juliet” or some other romantically challenged tale to get the world under my control. The crowbar may get me into the McDonalds cash register, but I am sure that stolen $20 will not get me domination, but into Juvenielle Hall.
-An army of Zombies (every global domination requires something to strike fear in the hearts of your victims. What better way to accomplish this than a healthy helping of the undead?)
I must agree with this statement. Zombies would be a huge, uplifting help in my quest, but I am not positive of their obedient behavior. According to Wikipedia, a zombie is a mindless being. It does take intelligence to do what is ordered, and I am worried during a battle or perhaps a speech one of them will fault.
-An army of super-soldiers (When there is a shortage of graves and mad Nazi Scientists, an army of super-soldiers easily gets the job done. Not only do they have superhuman strength, keen eyesight, and obey your every whim, they don’t fall apart at the first shotgun blast of the retaliation. Note: you should preferably go for the soldiers brought up in military training from the age of six or seven. They have more experience, and don’t have a reason to question an order)
Aha, you have noted something worthy of recognition and honor! Yes, I must say that an army of super-soldiers would be very helpful! Where can you get these?
- A crowbar (Yes, you heard me. This tool is an essential part of world domination. It can be used for beating people, prying boards off of farmer’s boarded-up windows, and general woodworking handyman tasks)
Refer to my statement above about McDonalds.
- Pepper spray/Smokescreen (How else are you gonna smoke those pesky farmers out of their basements?)
This may also come in handy if attacked by a stubborn, rabbid bunny rabbit.
- A sweet car (You need something that will get the job done. It needs to be durable, upgradable, and able to carry the weight of those Gatling guns and missile launchers you need to tote. I’m talking about…a Jeep)
Check. Got one disassmbled in the front yard. Must it be running?
- A good book (For the moments your armies of zombies and super-soldiers are attacking heavily fortified cities and farms. Those can take hours!)
I am possitive that a book will not do much damage to the world, and perhaps I may better use my time commanding the troops or using my crowbar for a little extra income.
- Toothbrush, floss, and mouthwash (Do you really think those pesky World Leaders are going to take you seriously when they see that piece of broccoli in your teeth on the ransom videos you send?)
In my case I may need a travel-sized orthodontist too.
- Tanks (boom)
- Jets (bigger boom)
- Threat of Nuclear Fallout (potential huge boom)
I must be ready to carry out this threat, of course.
- A proper lair (the best ones are on the moon. Think about it, when you destroy the world after said domination, where else are you gonna go?)
Oh, I already have my second house and all of my pets on Mars for safe keeping. You never know what these world leaders are going to do and they may try to use my possessions against me.
- A Proper Arch Nemesis (You can’t choose just any nemesis, though. You have to choose the strongest, best, and good looking nemesis. That person is the people’s hero. Everyone needs a hero. Heroes inspire, encourage, give hope. What better way to completely drain the people’s morale by destroying their favorite hero in an epic battle? That way, no one can accuse you of being a chicken and fighting some wimp down the road!)
Do I have any volunteers?
- A minion (like Igor, but…..eviler!)
Ah yes, I have several of those. Must I name a few of them? I can think of 4 right now. Can you have four, or must you choose one? And I always have my brothers for backup.
- Some backing/support (every global dominator has some nationality backing them up, supplying them with money, resources, etc.. The most popular in today’s society are the Russians, Koreans, Nazi Cults, or whatever nations people in America deem to be “threatening.”)
Oh, I already have that.
I hoped this helped you with an idea of how to gain World Domination. But just so you know, Bungie Studios, the amazing company that created and developed such classics as Marathon and Halo, are already in the final stages of World Domination. SO you better pick up the pace!
Good luck and Peace,
Taylor J.Thank you Mr. Taylor J. I do appreciate your advice and must say that you should give it more often. I would have just written this in a comment, but I thought it to be too long and that more people would like to read it. Thanks again for your input.
Luck’s Not Real and Peace Is Lame,