Ever read the book of the Bible called The Song Of Solomon? If you haven’t, I don’t blame you. Not all the expressions in there are what you’d call child friendly.

But if you have, and you’re a guy, I just wanted to point something out…

If you’re looking for some Biblical advice on flattering a woman, don’t use Song Of Solomon 1:9.

 I have compared you, my love,
      To my filly among Pharaoh’s chariots

DO NOT
under ANY circumstances
compare your beloved to to a horse.

No. That’s just not going to sit well at all.

 And while you’re at it, it might just be wise to not mention that her eyes are like dove eyes. 
          Or that her hair is like goat’s hair.
                  Or that her teeth are like freshly shorn sheep.
Sheep? Really?

And if you, my future beloved, whoever you are, promise not to compare my nose to the tower of Lebanon, I promise to not compare you to a gazelle.

Now, if you want to get on my good side, you could use verses like 2:2 -

Like a lily among thorns
   is my darling among the young women.But then again, that may be slightly insulting to my fellow female friends. Perhaps you shouldn’t say that around them.
Yeah. That’s not a good idea. Let’s stick to verses like 7:6.

 

How fair and how pleasant you are,
      O love, with your delights!

and perhaps 1:15 -

Behold, you are fair, my love!
      Behold, you are fair!

And maybe then, I’ll rather use verses like 1:16 -

Behold, you are handsome, my beloved!
      Yes, pleasant!

And 5:10-11.

 My beloved is radiant and ruddy,
   outstanding among ten thousand. 
His head is purest gold;
   his hair is wavy
   and black as a raven.
Actually, my unknown future beloved,  if you could have black, wavy hair that would be pretty awesome. Just a heads up. That’d be cool.
But anyway. I’m getting off track.

Really, just please don’t compare me to any animal and we’ll be good.  Well maybe.

*thinks for a second*

Actually, buy me chocolate and don’t compare me to an animal and we’ll be good. Yeah.

But just to let you know, my future beloved, I am waiting patiently for you.

Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases.I shall try with my utmost strength to follow the advice of the Shulamite woman.

 

Just as long as you promise to not compare me to an animal.

Thanks.

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