Need I say more?

More like Miracle Crap.

2. Boys. Nuff said.

3. The layout of Jacksonville. I think they dropped buildings randomnly from the sky and then were like “Well dang, where we gonna put the roads? Well, I guess we’ll just weave ‘em in between and over and let the locals figure it out.” I swear there are actually roads that just end. Like, bridges. Just end.

4. The “Buddies” movies. Who is buying these and helping fund the creation of more horror?

5. Spanish. I’ve tried a few times. I still don’t understand it. It’s really sad. BUT I do know that llueve is rain and probably will remember that along with hola. And I remember hermano. And sol. And castigar. And if I thought about it long enough I could probably remember the words to “I’ve Got The Joy” because we kinda have an inside joke about that from Spanish class at co-op and- I GOT IT! Yo tengo gozo, gozo, gozo, gozo en mi corazon.  Well, maybe I’m not as clueless as I thought.

6. Verizon commercials. Seriously, they annoy me. They don’t make sense and/or they are completely stupid. And cheesy. They are ALWAYS cheesy. Verizon’s commercials make me want to switch to Sprint because Sprint commercials are awesome. Yes commercials TOTALLY dictate what companies I like. It’s pretty sad.
But anyway. Verizon commercials. What the heck?

7. Women on Pinterest that have boards dedicated to “hot” men. What the heck? I’m pretty sure women would be mightily offended(and probably fuming) if their husbands/boyfriends/any man on the planet had a board dedicated to good looking women. Jordan has a nice way of putting it.

Me: “Ed Truck is dead. And it makes me feel like someone has taken my heart and dropped it in a boiling bucket of tears, and then hit my soul in the crotch with a frozen sledgehammer. And then a third guy comes up and punches my grief bone. And I’m crying. But no one can hear me because I am terribly…terribly alone.”

Mom: Poor Michael.

Me: You stink at this game.

Mom: I guess.

Me: You don’t even play it.

Mom: Maybe I do.

Me: No you don’t. You should ask Wes or Taylor how to play.

Mom: I think we should keep a milk cow in one of the upstairs bedrooms.

Me: That’s basically the lamest idea I’ve ever heard.

Mom: I think your room will be sufficient. Plus you always said you wanted to love on a farm.

Me: I said I wanted to LIVE on a farm, not bed with a bovine, Mom.

Mom: No, you won’t have to share your bed.

Me: …can it be a mini cow?

Mom: Sure. Why not.

Me: Pocket sized edition?

Mom:  No. Pocket-sized cows are mythical.
At least the ones that give milk are.

Me: Dagnabbit. I can’t figure out where I’d put it. I don’t think it’d fit under my bed with Jack. Maybe I could get rid of my giant beanbag and we could make that corner a pen for it.

Mom: Yes.

Me: I get to name it. And take it with me when I get married and move out. You get to pay for it and it’s food and pet it twice a day.
Unless it’s annoying. Then I’ll leave it here.
Just like I’ll eventually do with my kids.

Mom: Make that a rabbit.

Me: NO. I do NOT want a rabbit.

Mom: Yeah.

Me: That’s like the dumbest idea EVER. Even worse than that time you wanted me to dress up like a Who-ville character for halloween.

Mom: So you do want a rabbit?

Me: Nope. Sure don’t.

Mom: I’m confused.
I don’t understand why you hate farms.

Me: Rabbits aren’t for farms, Mom. Rabbits are for being chased out of bushes by my dog. Cows, horses, goats, sheep, and chickens are farm animals. And lotsa cats and a handful of dogs. But I could live without the chickens.
Remember how I always said I was going to marry a horse trainer?

Mom: ?

Me: Exactly.

Apparently we’re getting a cow and I’m keeping it in my room. This should be interesting.

And for the record, I don’t still plan on marrying a famous horse trainer.

Even though I sure wouldn’t be complaining iffen I did.

Just saying.

Joe: That was me-

Me: …and Gabe, I know it was you! Wait Joe you did it-

Joe: Yeah Gabe did it! Gabe, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Me: Joe! You just said you did it!

Joe: ….

Me: Okay y’all just clean the microwave after dinner.

And that’s just about how my days go around here.

Its just so boring…I end up filling it with cruddy drawings.

“Global Domination is not really that hard, and I can prove it. The only real difficult part is finding the right tools. I’ll list those right now!
[Note: you don't need all of these things, they're each something you could use!]“
I must disagree with that last note, Mr. J.  For one of the listed things is a book and I am quite certain that it will take more than the divine story ”Romeo & Juliet” or some other romantically challenged tale to get the world under my control. The crowbar may get me into the McDonalds cash register, but I am sure that stolen $20 will not get me domination, but into Juvenielle Hall.

-An army of Zombies (every global domination requires something to strike fear in the hearts of your victims. What better way to accomplish this than a healthy helping of the undead?)
I must agree with this statement. Zombies would be a huge, uplifting help in my quest, but I am not positive of their obedient behavior. According to Wikipedia, a zombie is a mindless being. It does take intelligence to do what is ordered, and I am worried during a battle or perhaps a speech one of them will fault.

-An army of super-soldiers (When there is a shortage of graves and mad Nazi Scientists, an army of super-soldiers easily gets the job done. Not only do they have superhuman strength, keen eyesight, and obey your every whim, they don’t fall apart at the first shotgun blast of the retaliation. Note: you should preferably go for the soldiers brought up in military training from the age of six or seven. They have more experience, and don’t have a reason to question an order)
Aha, you have noted something worthy of recognition and honor! Yes, I must say that an army of super-soldiers would be very helpful! Where can you get these?

- A crowbar (Yes, you heard me. This tool is an essential part of world domination. It can be used for beating people, prying boards off of farmer’s boarded-up windows, and general woodworking handyman tasks)
Refer to my statement above about McDonalds.

- Pepper spray/Smokescreen (How else are you gonna smoke those pesky farmers out of their basements?)
This may also come in handy if attacked by a stubborn, rabbid bunny rabbit.

- A sweet car (You need something that will get the job done. It needs to be durable, upgradable, and able to carry the weight of those Gatling guns and missile launchers you need to tote. I’m talking about…a Jeep)
Check. Got one disassmbled in the front yard. Must it be running?

- A good book (For the moments your armies of zombies and super-soldiers are attacking heavily fortified cities and farms. Those can take hours!)
I am possitive that a book will not do much damage to the world, and perhaps I may better use my time commanding the troops or using my crowbar for a little extra income.

- Toothbrush, floss, and mouthwash (Do you really think those pesky World Leaders are going to take you seriously when they see that piece of broccoli in your teeth on the ransom videos you send?)
In my case I may need a travel-sized orthodontist too.

- Tanks (boom)
Yes.
- Jets (bigger boom)
Bigger yes.
- Threat of Nuclear Fallout (potential huge boom)
I must be ready to carry out this threat, of course.

- A proper lair (the best ones are on the moon. Think about it, when you destroy the world after said domination, where else are you gonna go?)
Oh, I already have my second house and all of my pets on Mars for safe keeping. You never know what these world leaders are going to do and they may try to use my possessions against me.

- A Proper Arch Nemesis (You can’t choose just any nemesis, though. You have to choose the strongest, best, and good looking nemesis. That person is the people’s hero. Everyone needs a hero. Heroes inspire, encourage, give hope. What better way to completely drain the people’s morale by destroying their favorite hero in an epic battle? That way, no one can accuse you of being a chicken and fighting some wimp down the road!)
Do I have any volunteers?

- A minion (like Igor, but…..eviler!)
Ah yes, I have several of those. Must I name a few of them? I can think of 4 right now. Can you have four, or must you choose one? And I always have my brothers for backup.

- Some backing/support (every global dominator has some nationality backing them up, supplying them with money, resources, etc.. The most popular in today’s society are the Russians, Koreans, Nazi Cults, or whatever nations people in America deem to be “threatening.”)
Oh, I already have that.

I hoped this helped you with an idea of how to gain World Domination. But just so you know, Bungie Studios, the amazing company that created and developed such classics as Marathon and Halo, are already in the final stages of World Domination. SO you better pick up the pace!

Good luck and Peace,
Taylor J.Thank you Mr. Taylor J. I do appreciate your advice and must say that you should give it more often. I would have just written this in a comment, but I thought it to be too long and that more people would like to read it. Thanks again for your input.

Luck’s Not Real and Peace Is Lame,
Kait C.

The Attack

The Defense

The Result

That’s not all. I’ve started writing “Jah” instead of “Yeah”. Jah, another Dutch word.

And then there’s “Danke, Danki, or Denki”(pronounced dawnka, daynkey, or denkey). Which one you say depends on what Amish county you live in, but I say the first one. I almost said that to the waitress at Waffle House this morning. That would have really confused her.
And “Wunderbaar-gut” (pronounced wunderbar goot) which means “Wonderful good.

I say other words, like the occasional “Mudder” and “Daed” which obviously are “Mother” and “Father”.
And I say phrases that they use. Like…”It’s really rainy today, ain’t so?” and “Maybe could be”.

I’ve mentioned to my mother that I would love to become New Order Amish.(Their beliefs are closer to mine) I would, too. Their way of living fascinates me, and hopefully one day I’ll be able to visit an Amish community.

Jah, that would be wunderbaar-gut fun.

Am I crazy, or am I just an Amish wanna-be?

Da Herr seimit du – the Lord be with you!